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Ten
Commandments of Keeping Love Alive
- Always share positive feelings. One can never hear enough of them;
- Never share negative feelings unless there is a specific
constructive purpose to it (resolving an issue before it gets out of
hand, expressing concern over a fixable issue, etc. etc.). Negative
feelings expressed just to get something off the chest, to make a
minor point, to lash out, to put down, to get your way, or to make
an issue of something which cannot be changed, can only have a
negative effect on the relationship. Nothing positive will ever come
out of any of it, save a fleeting feeling of satisfaction from
spitting it all out;
- Make each other feel like a priority, especially when you are
unable to treat your partner as such. In other words, at times when
it isn't possible to treat your lover as a priority due to
extenuating circumstances, at least take a few moments (doesn't take
a lot) to share the situation with them, and reaffirm your feelings;
- Never let the sun go down without resolving anger or doing a daily
mental check-up. Put yourself in your lover's shoes and see how you
would feel receiving what you gave to them (good or bad) each day;
- Once is an error, twice carelessness, more than that a habit. If
you're doing something which your lover has serious, justifiable
objections to, nip it before it is perceived as a habit. Some
behaviours are very hard to change, undoing the hurt to a cherished
lover harder still. I'm not suggesting you modify your personality
to accommodate your partner, just behaviours which are justifiably
intolerable;
- If a situation calls for a compromise and you're willing to make
it, do it sooner than later. Treat it like a job interview where
you're willing to meet your future boss half-way or agree to
productive changes in your modus operandi. Don't let your
relationship reach that hopeless stage where you feel there are no
solutions. If you're going to do it, do it early on to show your
commitment, versus waiting until the last minute when feelings have
died and motivation and longevity have come under question. There
truly is a critical period for everything. Wait too long and you
risk your lover hitting the ‘too little too late' stage;
- Always keep the passion alive. Remember it was the two of you who
made it happen in the first place, without outside help, therefore
the two of you can keep it going forever. That special magic is one
of the few things which is completely under your control – a level
playing field which cannot be taken away unless you decide to
willingly let go of it. Don't ever fall into the dull, blasé,
can't-be-bothered-to-try approach once you know you've won your
lover's heart. If anything, the two of you falling in love should
merely mark a beginning – a beginning which paves the way to
beautiful things, since you will no longer have to waste your energy
over draining insecurities or worries around whether or not you'll
be loved back;
- When you talk to your partner, really listen. They need to know
that of all the billions of people out there you are the one who is
most interested in what they have to say. I'm not talking faking
here. I'd sooner you fake an orgasm than your interest in the love
of your life. Genuine is the key here;
- Make sure your checks and balances are squared away as far as
giving and expectations are concerned. If not, sooner or later the
overdrafts will ruin your credibility rating. A partner who
repeatedly gives, receives little in return, even in the form of
appreciation, will end up saying "the heck with it" or
pulling away from the whole thing, feeling that they'll never be
good enough and that their partner is best off without them;
- Nurture each other and the relationship regularly. Meals, jobs,
great backyards, good kids, hygiene, grooming don't just happen by
themselves. Why should relationships? Ditch the misconception that
beautiful relationships just happen and last forever effortlessly.
Sound like a chore? Don't let it. Change your perspective and make
it your hobby. Nothing will be quite as enjoyable. A garden tended
to as a hobby is always more delightful than one created out of
tough chores and obligations.
Rebecca
Rosenblat (aka Dr. Date), sex therapist/advice columnist/published
author is Toronto's hottest offering to the relationship and sexuality
scene. Known for her to-the-point teaching and entertaining delivery,
Rebecca gives her audiences what they crave, through her books,
seminars, interviews, and advice columns. https://www.DrDating.com
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